srijeda - 22.03.2006.
suvisli (?) apdejt
evo nakon dva tjedna mucenja skruseno priznajem, kapitulirala sam. 'bletice ponovno caruju. dva? mozda i vise, ne sjecam se. znam samo da je dugo, i nikad nije ovoliko trajalo. mislim da je sve pokrenula buba-u-uho od prilicno neupleteno-neupucene, a opet mudro-primjecujuce osobe, a koja je onda bila trigger za cijeli lunapark medjusobno isprepletenih vrtoglavih rollercoastera koji me otad drze konstantno osamucenu. i lose sam. jako. prejako cak i za moj ukus. propitkujem vlastite motive za ovo i ono, pocela sam cak i u poslu - kojeg obozavam - dopustati da negativne stvari isplivaju na povrsinu. i ne vidim one koje su mi do pred neko vrijeme bile vazne. koncentracija mi je naravno zapala u kriptodepresiju, nisam cak ni zadnji lost (!!???!) uspjela pogledat jer ne mogu zadrzat paznju dovoljno dugo.
sad mi je cudno pisat opet jer ne osjecam nista osim srama uslijed nehrabrosti. i love/hatea prema xanaxima :D
budem kasnije.
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- 14:54 - Komentari
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petak - 25.11.2005.
ondaatje
That night I fell in love with a voice. Only a voice. I wanted to hear nothing more. I got up and left.
m.ondaatje - the english patient
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- 13:27 - Komentari
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utorak - 22.11.2005.
suze. od svega pomalo. i malo sretna.
sjetila se poruke koju cuvam, a koju sam pisala ovo ljeto malom crnom. *sjedim sama na mojem omiljenom otocnom mjestu, gledam u mrak i more, i nekako mi je mirno-lijepo, nisam sigurna da cu ikad vishe bit euforicno hepi, i trudit cu se bit zadovoljna s ovim sto imam sad. falis mi u mojoj melankoliji, ne bih se nikad vratila u glupi zg. mozda te otmem i dovedem da zivimo ovdje, penzionerski opusteno sa superknjiznicom :) ljubim beskrajno :**************
i iako sam malo sretna, pustam suze na mercury rev.
I dreamed of you on my farm
I dreamed of you in my arms
But dreams are always wrong
I never dreamed I'd hurt you
I never dreamed I'd lose you
In my dreams, I'm always strong
And now the creek is rising
And all my bridges burnt
I always dreamed of big crowds
Plooms of smoke and high clouds
But dreams don't last for long
I have my suspicions
When the stars are in position
All will be revealed
But I know that until then
Unless the stars surrender
All will be concealed
And now the snow is falling
And all my fences torn
I know you need someone
And I can hear someone
Somewhere in this song
I dreamed that I was walking
And the two of us were talking
Of all life's mysteries
But words that flow between friends
Winding streams, without end
I wanted you to see
But it can seem surprising
When you find yourself alone
And now the dark is rising
And a brand new moon is born
I always dreamed I'd love you
I never dreamed I'd lose you
In my dreams, I'm always strong
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- 23:26 - Komentari
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četvrtak - 17.11.2005.
danas bih...
...jako htjela biti anja garbarek. ne samo da bi mi otac bio legendarni jan, nego bih imala i nekoliko divnih albuma, i ovaj dragulj:
It happens that someone knocks at my door
Then the whole house starts to shake
So that it gets really hard to stand up
And even worse to walk
I usually fall down
On the floor
And i stay there
Until that someone decides to leave
And the house calms down
And i look through the curtains
To see if he would regret
To see if he would try again
It happens that someone calls me on the phone
And my house gets so scared
That it jumps right up into my throat
I swallow like crazy
Hoping my heart will glide
Back down
So i can talk to that someone
Maybe talk to a friend
But it is too late
But it is too late
It is beyond my control
If i don't open up the door
It is beyond my control
If i don't answer your calls
I'm not to blame
It isn't my fault
It was you that make my house shake
It was you that made my heart jump
It was you that make my house shake
It was you that made my heart jump
And it happens that i take a walk outside
Just to get some nice fresh air
And it happens that i see someone i knew
A long long time ago
Then i just see him to disappear
Becoming one with a wall
Becoming one with a lampost
Becoming one with a tree
Becoming one with a street
Becoming one with a house
Becoming one with a door
Becoming one with you all
It is beyond my control
If i don't open up the door
It is beyond my control
If i don't answer you call
It is beyond my control
If i just seem to disappear
It is beyond my control
If i am suddenly not here
I'm not to blame
It isn't my fault
It was you that make my house shake
It was you that made my heart jump
It was you that make my house shake
It was you that made my heart jump
It was you who came my way
mozda bih i bila nesretna, ali blazeno...
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- 13:19 - Komentari
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srijeda - 16.11.2005.
:)
kasnije se, naravno, smirim. sad mi cak pretjerana se doima ova reakcija. da, nakon nekog vremena upalio se razum. da sam kojim slucajem vikala ovo ranije napisano naglas, sad bi mi bilo zao.
pitam se, je li to zataskavanje onog sto osjecam, i zasto mi se rekacija prvotna impulzivna i ona kasnija stalozena toooliko razlikuju? kada je u pitanju nesto do cega mi je jaaako stalo? i sto je pravo? ili se istina nalazi negdje izmedju? pa se njih dvoje trebaju pomiriti. konacno se zaljubiti i poceti zivjeti zajedno :)) da intuicija konacno prestane biti gospodicna, i postane gospodja razum. sretno udana. i sejf. ah...
treba li mi to? prvo suze a onda sram zbog istih?
hm.
np primal scream - loaded ( i addddooorrrrrre that song...)
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- 18:27 - Komentari
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:(
mali podsjetnik samo. intuicija mi je najjace oruzje i najbolji stit. (sto mi vrijedi sto toliko snazno osjecam ako ne mislim obracati paznju na to?) i kao sto bi dina (:***) rekla - a sad sto puta kredom po ploci. budem. za kaznu.
damn. ljude koji me na prvu loptu cine nemirnom ne proglasavat princevima/princezama koji ce balavit po mojem sto-godina-spavajucem avanturistickom duhu pokusavajuci ga probudit. jer niti oni to rade, niti bi htjeli. niti ih je briga. posteno.
a sa druge strane, avanturisticki duh/hrabrost se ne pokazuje tako sto se pokusava smirit uzburkani oušn. (to isto po ploci :))
nego se ili hrabro zaroni ili se vristeci i masuci rukama pobjegne u drugom pravcu. sto dalje na kopno.
i tak. moja teta intuicija je grlo izderala vicuci i upozoravajuci me. ja ju grubo odgurnem i idem se trudit. naravno, zakamuflirano toliko da ni ja ne kuzim da se trudim uopce. neeeee...zapravo je baaas zabavno. yeah, right.
na kraju ostanem sa natecenom nagazenom shapom i u cudu gledam u nju - zasto bi mi itko to zelio napravit, zasto?
tak. slucajno. samo zato jer sam ju ispruzila.
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- 17:35 - Komentari
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srijeda - 09.11.2005.
idem setati.
po magli i mraku. i stina u usima.
Almost give it a try
I sure do
I wake up early thinking of you
And I paint my eyes
In light blue
Reflecting every promise I do
There’s a brand new note in the middle of this song
I close my eyes and hope that nothing will go wrong
That I’ll have something nice
To talk about while I’m walking home
Have something nice to talk about
While I’m walking home
Almost wondering why
You want me
Sometimes I think you’re better off on your own
When I make you cry
Over me
I almost want to leave you alone
But when I wake up in the middle of the night
And when I sometimes suddenly remember your smile
And to have something nice
To talk about while I’m walking home
To have something nice to talk about
While I’m walking home
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- 21:32 - Komentari
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četvrtak - 03.11.2005.
novi np
lambchop. ili jamc. zapravo lee hazlewood. i'm glad i never :)
You came walkin' into my life
Carrying your own dream
You could've been
Yeah, you could've been good
Then why were you so goddamn mean
But for you I never had any fun
But I'm sure glad I never
Ain't you glad I never
Be glad I never owned a gun
*oh, kako prikladno...
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ponedjeljak - 17.10.2005.
novi death cab...
......ajminlav :))
prvo mi se cinilo da i nije-bash. ali jedan je od onih koji se sporo uvlace pod kozu.
my dearest ben gibbard ne pise vise cisti poetry kao na nekim proslim albumima, ali ima par crtica koje su me oborile.
*You're so cute when you're slurring your speech,
But they're closing the bar and they want us to leave.*
ili naprimjer
*You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I'm not who I used to be
No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise
The youthful boy below who turned your way and saw
Something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize
When he catches his reflection on accident
On the back of a motor bike
With your arms outstretched trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind
But even at our swiftest speed we couldn't break from the concrete
In the city where we still reside.
And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men
Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides
Like brothers on a hotel bed*
eto. najs.
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- 17:57 - Komentari
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četvrtak - 13.10.2005.
jos natuknica, ali manje...
* u leonard-cohen-moodu sam. nisam sigurna jel to dobro...
* daniel craig je novi james bond. ima boga! :)) iako cu se, slutim, jos nocima buditi okupana znojem jer sam sanjala da su ulogu ipak dali visnjicu. iju!!! happy thoughts, happy thoughts, quick...
* prejjjebene neke vaze u novoj ikea ps kolekciji...mljac...predimenzionirane i najkewl na svijetu...nadam se da ih ima u nashoj grackoj.
* ocu negdje na more.
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- 18:19 - Komentari
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